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14 February 2016

Rambling About... Kirsty Greenwood's The Vintage Guide to Love and Romance

Title: The Vintage Guide to Love and Romance
Author: Kirsty Greenwood
Publication: 9 April 2015 - Pan Books
Format: epub - Book Bazaar Reader - 228 pages
Goodreads Description: 
Jessica Beam is a girl who knows how to party. Only lately she's been forgetting to turn up for work on time. Or in clean clothes. Down on her luck, out of a job and homeless, Jess seeks the help of her long-lost grandmother.
Things aren't going well for Matilda Beam, either. Her 1950s Good Woman guide books are out of print, her mortgage repayments are staggering and her granddaughter wears neon Wonderbras!
When a lifeline from a London publisher arrives, the pair have an opportunity to secure the roof over their heads – by invigorating the Good Woman guides and transforming modern, rebellious Jess into a demure vintage lady.
The true test of their make-over will be to capture the heart of notorious London playboy Leo Frost and prove that Matilda’s guides still work. It's going to take commitment, nerves of steel and one seriously pointy bra to pull this off... 

First Lines: I have done many unwise things in my life. And while sex with the new neighbor less than two hours after meeting him is definitely not the most ridiculous of those things, it's quite high up on the list.

Favorites on 4s: 
34 - Did I just shout ‘knob-prince’ at a Booker-prizewinner’s book launch? ‘Knob-prince’ isn’t even a real swear. I just made it up right this minute!
74 - I glare at them both as if they’re mental. The very idea of hanging about here for longer than the two days I had intended, learning this strange new grandma’s version of manners and style, trying to chase after some bloke and get him to – puke – fall in love with me? It’s literally abhorrent, the complete opposite of anything I would ever want to do with my time.
94 - What I see before me is not a freak of nature, but sort of a more elegant version of Jessica Rabbit.
134 - There are few things that a good night of sleep cannot remedy. Life always looks better in the morning!
174 - Feelings. Urgh. I can feel them, these feelings. Whizzing around my insides and making me feel excited and scared and worried and super horny and like there might be something to look forward to, maybe.

I could easily have done more "Favorites on 4s" but didn't want to get spoilery.
What a gloriously hilarious read this was! There have already been a ton of reviews and the description from Goodreads above that give the basics for plot and such. I'm not going to bother rehashing all of it. I did adore the book, though, and even stayed up late last night so I could finish it. "Cockwaffle" and "knob-prince" are already on my "must say" list ... I have a huge craving for pear cider (which is something in and of itself since I haven't had any alcohol in a decade) ... and the soundtrack for Grease 2 is pretty much stuck on repeat in my head (and I still mad crush on Adrian Zmed). I will warn you that Jessica's favorite word does appear to be "fuck" and I know that the super-uppity out there probably won't like the amount of swearing that takes place, but they can stuff it.

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