If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe by Jason Pargin (Tuesday Intros & Teaser Tuesday)

Title: If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

Author: Jason Pargin

Publication: 18 October 2022 

Format: Kindle eARC via St Martin's Press & NetGalley

Amazon Description

If the broken neon signs, shuttered storefronts, and sub-standard housing didn’t tip you off, you’ve just wandered into the city of “Undisclosed”. You don’t want to be caught dead here, because odds are you just might find yourself rising from the grave. That hasn’t stopped tourists from visiting to check out the unusual phenomena that hangs around our town like radioactive fallout. Interdimensional parasites feeding on human hosts, paranormal cults worshipping demonic entities, vengeful teenage sorcerers, we’ve got it all.

Did I mention the possessed toy? It’s a plastic football-sized egg that’s supposed to hatch an adorable, colorful stuffed bird when a child “feeds” it through a synchronized smartphone app. What’s actually inside is an otherworldly monstrosity that’s enticing impressionable wayward youth into murdering folks and depositing their body parts inside the egg as if it’s a hungry piggy bank to trigger the end of the world.

That’s where Dave, John, and Amy come in. They face supernatural threats so the rest of us don’t have to―and sometimes even earn a couple of bucks to so do. But between the bloody ritual sacrifices and soul-crushing nightmares, our trio realizes this apocalypse is way above their pay grade.

Ramble-y Teaserish Stuff

DISCLAIMER

I am not reading this book.

I was all sorts of stupid excited when I saw the fourth John Dies at the End book on NetGalley.

I squealed so loudly my kid thought he would have to call the EMTs when I got my approval for the advanced copy.

Then I started to panic.

I can't possibly read the ARC.

I have to have it "for real" in my grubby little hands.

Even worse? 

I have to have it matching the rest of my Pargin/Wong collection on my shelf ... 

which means paperback ... 

which means an even longer wait.

It will certainly be worth the wait, though. I already know that it will be one of the top reads for whatever year I end up finally reading it in. I'm hoping it's a fast turn-around for hardcover to paperback release so I'm thinking 2023. As soon as it's listed on Amazon I'm hitting that pre-order button faster than you can say "Soy Sauce."

So, my dear disappointed readers, that's that.

It is, however, Tuesday (and the release date to boot) so I can still leave you with the typical Tuesday Intros & Teasers.

The Intros because, being Pargin, there are multiple starts before the "actual" story begins.

The Teasers were a bit more difficult to come up with since, you know, I am not reading this book. I opted to send my kid a text message telling him to pick five numbers between 10 and 85 so I could then just go to the random corresponding percentage and pick a random blip without spoiling too much for myself ... or for you, of course. I'm not telling you the numbers that he gave me. Or even if the blips are in chronological order. You'll have to read the book to figure that out yourself.

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"First Chapter First Paragraph Tuesday Intros" is from the first paragraph or two of a book being read now (or in the future) and is hosted by Socrates' Book Reviews. 

"Teaser Tuesday" at The Purple Booker asks for a random line or two from anywhere in the book currently being read.

What The Hell Did I Just Read by Jason Pargin (Tuesday Intros & Teaser Tuesday)

 

Title: What The Hell Did I Just Read

Author: Jason Pargin (originally as David Wong)

Publication: 5 October 2021 (originally 3 October 2017)

Format: paperback

Amazon Description

It's the story "They" don't want you to read. Though, to be fair, "They" are probably right about this one. To quote the Bible, "Learning the truth can be like loosening a necktie, only to realize it was the only thing keeping your head attached." No, don't put the book back on the shelf -- it is now your duty to purchase it to prevent others from reading it. Yes, it works with e-books, too, I don't have time to explain how.

While investigating a fairly straightforward case of a shape-shifting interdimensional child predator, Dave, John, and Amy realized there might actually be something weird going on. Together, they navigate a diabolically convoluted maze of illusions, lies, and their own incompetence in an attempt to uncover a terrible truth they -- like you -- would be better off not knowing.

Your first impulse will be to think that a story this gruesome -- and, to be frank, stupid -- cannot possibly be true. That is precisely the reaction "They" are hoping for.

Ramble-y Teaserish Stuff

I really don't have it in me to be awfully ramble-y right now. Luckily, there really isn't much I can say about Pargin that I probably haven't already said before. This very well may be my favorite of the series thus far. It may be simply because it was a much needed distraction and the utter chaos of it took me away from my own utter chaos for a bit. I'm actually rather disappointed that I finished it when I did, partway through what may have been the worst attempt at a vacation ever, because the distraction is still sorely needed. So rather than try to say anything more, I'll just let Pargin do it with the intros ...

and the "teasers"

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"First Chapter First Paragraph Tuesday Intros" is from the first paragraph or two of a book being read now (or in the future) and is hosted by Socrates' Book Reviews. 

"Teaser Tuesday" at The Purple Booker asks for a random line or two from anywhere in the book currently being read.

I'll Sleep When I've Read... This Book Is Full Of Spiders by Jason Pargin

 

Title: This Book Is Full Of Spiders

Author: Jason Pargin (originally as David Wong)

Publication: 5 October 2021 (originally 12 October 2012)

Format: paperback

Amazon Description

Warning: You may have a huge, invisible spider living in your skull. THIS IS NOT A METAPHOR.

You will dismiss this as ridiculous fear-mongering. Dismissing things as ridiculous fear-mongering is, in fact, the first symptom of parasitic spider infection--the creature stimulates skepticism, in order to prevent you from seeking a cure. That's just as well, since the "cure" involves learning what a chainsaw tastes like. You can't feel the spider, because it controls your nerve endings. You won't even feel it when it breeds. And it will breed.

Just stay calm, and remember that telling you about the spider situation is not the same as having caused it. I'm just the messenger. Even if I did sort of cause it. Either way, I won't hold it against you if you're upset. I know that's just the spider talking.

Ramble-y Teaserish Stuff

I love it when someone asks me what I'm reading and all I can do it stare at them and turn the book so they can more clearly see the cover. I had several very confused people (and one who totally understood) Thursday morning before I left work.

"I honestly have no idea... 

...but I love it."

I actually had to leave the book at work that morning because I knew that if I took it home I wouldn't sleep and sleep is a much needed thing. Sometimes. Instead I brought it home with me Friday morning and then didn't sleep much Friday night. Or Saturday. 

It's a big book.

A lot happens.

And then a lot doesn't.

Or does it?

And then more almost does. 

And ....

Don't ever ask me to explain it to you.

If you want to share whatever has kept you up past your bedtime because you just needed one more chapter ... or the entire book ... please comment! My TBR pile is already toppling, but I can always add more.

John Dies at the End by Jason Pargin (Book Beginnings & Friday 56)

 

Title: John Dies at the End

Author: Jason Pargin ... formerly known as David Wong

Publication: 2007 as Wong, 2021 as Pargin

Format: paperback & Kindle ebook

Amazon Description

STOP. You should not have touched this book with your bare hands. NO, don't put it down. It's too late. They're watching you. My name is David. My best friend is John. Those names are fake. You might want to change yours. You may not want to know about the things you'll read on these pages, about the sauce, about Korrok, about the invasion, and the future. But it's too late. You touched the book. You're in the game. You're under the eye. The only defense is knowledge. You need to read this book, to the end. Even the part with the bratwurst. Why? You just have to trust me.

The important thing is this: The sauce is a drug, and it gives users a window into another dimension. John and I never had the chance to say no. You still do.

Unfortunately for us, if you make the right choice, we'll have a much harder time explaining how to fight off the otherworldly invasion currently threatening to enslave humanity.

I'm sorry to have involved you in this, I really am. But as you read about these terrible events and the very dark epoch the world is about to enter as a result, it is crucial you keep one thing in mind: None of this was my fault.

Ramble-y Teaserish Stuff

This is not my first time reading John Dies at the End -- just my first time blogging about it. The first time, I believe, was probably 2009 with the first re-issue ... and five years before the blogging began. The fourth book in the series is currently sitting on my NetGalley shelf and due for an October release so that's plenty of time to read/re-read/ramble/whatever the first three with all of their shiny re-newness of having Jason Pargin on the cover instead of David Wong. 

Might as well start at the beginning, then, right? I was tempted to do the beginning of each "book" plus the prologue, but settled for just the prologue and chapter one. And then said to hell with it and redid it because temptation can be fun.  [I could have also done the Forward and the Epilogue so ... you know ... shut up.]

There's really no good way to describe John Dies at the End. 

It's 400+ pages of "hot mess brilliance."

I guess that's as good of a way as any to describe it.

The 56 isn't going to help any. Or the 156. And probably not the 256. I could have done the 356 because, you know, 400+ pages ... but that page really didn't have much I wanted to cram into a box.

However, I do have the Kindle version as well as the shiny paperback thanks to Kindle Unlimited, so you get the bonus of the 56% ... which is also the entire eleventh chapter.

I have four pages of my notebook full of other quotes and snippets and ramblings and whatnot about whatever the hell this book is about. 

I even have a blip from fairly early on (page 61) as my  personal Facebook cover.

I'm still going with "hot mess brilliance" as my description.

 

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Friday 56 (share a blurb from the 56th page or 56% mark) is hosted at Freda's Voice 

& Book Beginnings (share the first few sentences) is at Rose City Reader

Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits by Jason Pargin (Book Beginnings & Friday 56)

Title: Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits

Author: Jason Pargin (originally published under David Wong)

Publication: 5 October 2021 (originally 6 October 2015)

Format: paperback, Kindle eBook

Amazon Description

Nightmarish villains with superhuman enhancements.

An all-seeing social network that tracks your every move.

Mysterious, smooth-talking power players who lurk behind the scenes.

A young woman from the trailer park.

And her very smelly cat.

Together, they will decide the future of mankind.

Get ready for a world in which anyone can have the powers of a god or the fame of a pop star, in which human achievement soars to new heights while its depravity plunges to the blackest depths. A world in which at least one cat smells like a seafood shop's dumpster on a hot summer day.

This is the world in which Zoey Ashe finds herself, navigating a futuristic city in which one can find elements of the fantastic, nightmarish and ridiculous on any street corner. Her only trusted advisor is the aforementioned cat, but even in the future, cats cannot give advice. At least not any that you'd want to follow.

Will Zoey figure it all out in time? Or maybe the better question is, will you? After all, the future is coming sooner than you think.

Ramble-y Teaserish Stuff

At the time of this auto-posting, I am not actually here. I can't even tell you if I've read more than the beginning... and random blips from various 56es. 

I am on my much much much needed birthday vacation, but didn't want to leave you hanging if you happened to stop by. I considered packing another Hester Fox. Or another Jane Austen-ish. I decided to go with  Christmas instead. Hey, if Die Hard can be a Christmas movie, then Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits can most definitely be a Christmas book.

So, all that being said, here's the Amazon description and my chosen teasers from the oh-so-festive book in the top of my carry-on. I'm not sure how much I'll get read ... or even if I'll remember to link these up properly ... but at least I'm getting into the spirit of things. Ish.

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As always, Friday 56 (share a blurb from the 56th page or 56% mark) is hosted at Freda's Voice 

& Book Beginnings (share the first few sentences) is at Rose City Reader.