If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe by Jason Pargin (Tuesday Intros & Teaser Tuesday)

Title: If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

Author: Jason Pargin

Publication: 18 October 2022 

Format: Kindle eARC via St Martin's Press & NetGalley

Amazon Description

If the broken neon signs, shuttered storefronts, and sub-standard housing didn’t tip you off, you’ve just wandered into the city of “Undisclosed”. You don’t want to be caught dead here, because odds are you just might find yourself rising from the grave. That hasn’t stopped tourists from visiting to check out the unusual phenomena that hangs around our town like radioactive fallout. Interdimensional parasites feeding on human hosts, paranormal cults worshipping demonic entities, vengeful teenage sorcerers, we’ve got it all.

Did I mention the possessed toy? It’s a plastic football-sized egg that’s supposed to hatch an adorable, colorful stuffed bird when a child “feeds” it through a synchronized smartphone app. What’s actually inside is an otherworldly monstrosity that’s enticing impressionable wayward youth into murdering folks and depositing their body parts inside the egg as if it’s a hungry piggy bank to trigger the end of the world.

That’s where Dave, John, and Amy come in. They face supernatural threats so the rest of us don’t have to―and sometimes even earn a couple of bucks to so do. But between the bloody ritual sacrifices and soul-crushing nightmares, our trio realizes this apocalypse is way above their pay grade.

Ramble-y Teaserish Stuff

DISCLAIMER

I am not reading this book.

I was all sorts of stupid excited when I saw the fourth John Dies at the End book on NetGalley.

I squealed so loudly my kid thought he would have to call the EMTs when I got my approval for the advanced copy.

Then I started to panic.

I can't possibly read the ARC.

I have to have it "for real" in my grubby little hands.

Even worse? 

I have to have it matching the rest of my Pargin/Wong collection on my shelf ... 

which means paperback ... 

which means an even longer wait.

It will certainly be worth the wait, though. I already know that it will be one of the top reads for whatever year I end up finally reading it in. I'm hoping it's a fast turn-around for hardcover to paperback release so I'm thinking 2023. As soon as it's listed on Amazon I'm hitting that pre-order button faster than you can say "Soy Sauce."

So, my dear disappointed readers, that's that.

It is, however, Tuesday (and the release date to boot) so I can still leave you with the typical Tuesday Intros & Teasers.

The Intros because, being Pargin, there are multiple starts before the "actual" story begins.

The Teasers were a bit more difficult to come up with since, you know, I am not reading this book. I opted to send my kid a text message telling him to pick five numbers between 10 and 85 so I could then just go to the random corresponding percentage and pick a random blip without spoiling too much for myself ... or for you, of course. I'm not telling you the numbers that he gave me. Or even if the blips are in chronological order. You'll have to read the book to figure that out yourself.

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"First Chapter First Paragraph Tuesday Intros" is from the first paragraph or two of a book being read now (or in the future) and is hosted by Socrates' Book Reviews. 

"Teaser Tuesday" at The Purple Booker asks for a random line or two from anywhere in the book currently being read.