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16 January 2015

John Connolly's The Gates - Initial Thoughts

I'm just about to start chapter thirteen of The Gates and it seems like the perfect spot to pause and go
Well, you don't have to. I mean, it's not like I'm going to hunt you down and strap you to a chair and force you to read it. Even if I did do such a thing, it's possible (I suppose) that you wouldn't like it. It's possible that you have no sense of humor. You may live a life with no whimsy in it at all. You may be such a sucktastic stick in the mud that it would be entirely wasted on you. (If any of these ring true, please leave now.)

So, let's start at the very beginning -- a very good place to start. (Go ahead ... just ask Maria von Trapp.) 

See? I told you. A very good place to start.

But even BEFORE the first paragraph .... the table of contents!
This is worth picking up just for the chapter titles. 

No. Not just for the chapter titles because that would be awfully silly. Who in their right mind would get a book just because of chapter titles?

[In regards to the title for Chapter II : The "small boy" is the main character, Samuel. He's 11. And awesome. His dog, Boswell, is pretty awesome as well. The people who are up to no good? Well, not so awesome. You know, being up to no good and all.]

Okay, so maybe if I had picked up the book and only glanced at the contents I would have, indeed, taken the book home with me just because of the chapter titles. No one ever said I was in my right mind, though. And, really, the footnotes are even more awesome than the chapter titles.

Yes. Footnotes.

26 of them, in fact.

So far I've encountered the first 20 and they're all hilarious:

and, sometimes, even educational:

Nurd? You meet him in Chapter V. For a "bad deity" he, too, is pretty awesome so far. At least he's entertaining.

Basically what we have here is another so-called "children's book" full of awesome. (Amazon lists it as "Age level: 10-14.") To be fair, though, I'm not sure yet that it's full of awesome. According to my handy-dandy ereader it says I'm 34% through. Of course, because of the footnotes and whatnot the book actually ends at 88%.

I'm not about to do the math to figure out how far through the actually story I actually am. So far it's awesome. Just take that and run with it.

Seriously. Run.

Go get this book. Read it. Love it. I'll even wait for you catch up with me so we can discuss it togeth.......

Ah, who the hell am I kidding? I'll have it done in a day or two. 
Less than that if I decide to sleep and feed my child at some point.


  1. This sounds awesome! I guess it will go on the growing list of stuff I need to read.

    1. No no no ... I didn't say "go put it on a list." I said GO READ IT! Like, NOW. Silly girl.

  2. Okay you have me I'm so reading this book next. And it may or may not be because of the chapter titles…

  3. Thanks for sharing these awesome highlights, Karen. A book w/ chapter titles and footnotes as funny as these have got to be a good read! It totally sounds like a book my almost 11-yo daughter would love, which means I'll have to check it out, too! And yes, the parts you've shared are pretty darned awesome... Amazon, here I come. ;)

  4. I am with one foot out the door to request it from the library. Clearly, I have to read this book!!